Prisoner of My own Device...

Yesterday was so bright,
Sun still shining, in the moonlit sky,
And that rainbow,
The one that’s purple, red, yellow and blue,
Still reminding you of the rain last night,

You could still see the boats,
If you wanted to,
Floating down the road,
Fighting the winds and the waves,

Children in the neighborhood park,
Pushing, shoveling and falling apart,
To songs and to dances,
And some rhyming lyrics too,

Time had no meaning,
And nothing really mattered,
And world was always at peace,
For you could buy all for a penny,

I remember them all,
It was just yesterday,
Or maybe the day before,

It’s quite dark now,
As I sit and look out of my window,
It’s been a while,
that I took a moment to think,
And to Wonder and worry,

I gave up much,
To get too little,
Money for smile,
Delusions for dreams,

The boats floating down the river,
I don’t see them anymore,
I have a desk, and a file now,
and a dark glass window too,

It gives me a view,
of the neighborhood floors,
Full of people lost in time,
Digging out the dirt,
working their times,
like a prison it looks,
Like a dungeon it feels,

The more I try,
the further I sink,
losing my faith,
losing my belief,

Let me say good bye,
let me say Godspeed,
it’s time I moved on,
and followed my dreams…

an Irregular-Ode to a love lost long...

Brilliant eyes, electric bright,
laughter clear, to silence a crowd,
cheerful spirit, spreading around
was it a songbird, or was that you?

Just a glimpse and a hint of smile,
a fading memory and some music of your voice…
That’s all I have,
for you’ve been gone so long,
disappeared in the sand of time
and now it has been a while,
did you ever feel the same?

I spent the years running around,
To get a hint of you,
Spent the days searching in my mind,

And just when I had forgotten you,
And I thought I had moved in time,
You came back from the dead,
to stir up a storm around,

And I think I heard your voice again,
And I think I saw you smile,
Tell me you are real this time,
And say it’s not my mind,

Say that I’ve not created you,
Like I did before,
Tell me you are for real,
And not my mind playing games,

The last I remember,

You were still living in my dreams,

Tell me you are for real now,

And no longer a dream …

The weird ones...

Do you know how it feels,
To be strange and alone.
To be the only one,
Who gets the point…

To be the one who looks,
Beyond the lines of reason,
And be able to dream,
To sing and to hymn,
To be,
Stranger than the crowd around,
To be looked and laughed upon,

I met one today,
Sitting there,
In the corner of my mind,
Shrouded in dark, shunning all the light,
And attention,

He said I fear the light,
For there’s someone ready to show,
How bad I look, how good he is,
and how I don’t fit in…

And do they know,
that when they try,
to show me their light,
they take me off my path,
and they kill the one inside,
me…

I have asked myself,
over a million times,
why is it so difficult,
to be left the way I am

Why cant’s they let go off me,
why there’s always someone around,
ready with an answer,
to the questions I never ask…

White Lines

White lines of fear and dark...
Of few dreams that fell apart...
White lines of things near and far...


Meaningless they seem,
But they help you end it all,
Directionless they are,
But you’re not there either,


Infinite but discreet,
Restrained in its limitless boundaries,
Trying to solve your problem,
And lending that wicked helping hand,
White lines of your dreams...


Tearing you apart,
And breaking you to pieces,
Killing you slow,
one bit at a time,
white lines of your dreams…


Every inviting, in it’s own repulsiveness,
Ever seducing in it’s own nefariousness,
White lines of your dreams,


Now you think and realize,
How dependent have you been,
Oblivious to the world,
Eyes closed and floating around,
covering yourself up,
in white lines of your dreams,


No longer can you lie,
on white lines you rely,
not to live, not to dream,
Just to cry, and to scream.


Now the end,
It’s just you, and it’s me,
And there are,
The white lines of your dreams...

Salvation

This is the moment,
The one you've waited for,
The door to freedon
and window to salvation,
Eternal peace and glory my friend,

Don't be shy now,
It's too late already,
You can't go back from here,
Forward's the only direction now,

Don't bow down,
It's just one step you see,
Don't be afraid of the deapth already,

I know it's a little dark,
But that's just an illusion you know,
Just take the step,
and remember my friend,

The only way out, is deeper within,
Hidden between the layers you designed,
So many questions,
That wait for an answer,

Now is the time,
You think of them again,
Take a minute if you need,
For this is the End...

The end of confusion,
and end of your doubts,
The end to all fears,
Hidden inside,

The fall is illusion,
It won't hurt you at all,
Let go off your thoughts,
And follow my call...

It's time to dive my friend,
With your open mind,
Deep into the vale of your thoughts,
and in river of your soul,
For there lies the answer,
To this imaginary pain...

Hope

When it's dark in my mind,
and cold in my Heart.
When life is all pain,
and things are falling apart...

When people who mattered,
can see me no more.
And when all my dreams,
Just lie there scattered...

When it won't stop raining,
and wounds won't heal anymore.
And the pictures in my album,
Won't bring back a smile...

When the daylight starts fading,
and you know it's my time.
Just do it my friend,
just One last time...

Show me the light,
the one you call hope,
Set me on fire, and lighten me up....

Self-Motivated…Really…?

Well, until very recently, this word, right up there, was just a HR term for me, that I knew needs some comments in my quarterly performance reviews. Every single time I reached that section of the self evaluation sheet, this is what I wrote – “ I am a highly self-motivated person. I push myself to raise the bar for my own performance and don’t need to be pushed to do things”. And trust me when I say that I DON”T MEAN A WORD OF THAT…

But then, recently, in fact, just last night, my understanding of this term changed and will remain that way for the rest of my life. Now I am not writing this to teach you what it means, and will not drop in a lecture explaining the whole idea behind this self-motivated terminology… I am writing this, so that when I forget it’s meaning in future, I can sit back, read this and remind myself what it means to me. I am also writing this because I know we all like stories and also I want to really sound like some cool guy who writes and people think him to be a great thinker or something…

Now that the confession is done, let’s get back to the story…

Off late, in fact, for the last two years, Metro has become an important part of my life. To put down some number, I send 15 hours a week in the metro and have now found a way of using that time. I plan my work, plan my day, listen to music, and my favorite part observing people. Okay, the last part is in a totally non-creepy, non psychopathic fashion. I just like to look at people and try to find their stories…

Well, last Friday night’s train ride was a new lesson for me. Some 15 minutes into the journey, I heard a voice. And in between the noise of the people around me and that of the headphones of my iPod blaring Holy Wars in my ears, I heard the word Jesus twice… I thought for a moment, FINALLY, THE GODS HAVE LISTENED TO ME… THE GOD IS TALKING TO ME… Then I suddenly realized, hey, hang on, get real dude. God’s got better things to do .He’s got a busy weekend with all the people getting drunk and asking for forgiveness…

So off goes the headphones and I found the source of the noise. Okay, fine, VOICE if you like the polite language so much… It was a man, about 45 years old, wearing a tidy blue shirt, over a black trouser. He was carrying a laptop back-pack, and was speaking in fluent English with a slight eastern European accent that turned into a full blown Indian accent 8-10 minutes into his speech. I noticed a badge that he was wearing; it said Mr. PQR – Director at XYZABC (one of the largest consulting firms).

Oh no, not again, someone’s fighting over a seat again. That should explain Jesus getting into the picture. I mean we Indians normally remember and call out god’s name, when we are fighting. So, I thought let’s get back to my music, Doors were next on the playlist…

Wait, did I hear Money? Hell yes I did… That’s awesome, god and money, part of the same battle; I am going to see a holy war right here. But why’s there just one man shouting? Where’s the other part of the battle?

Oh come-on dude, don’t ruin it. Speak up. Shout it out man. Where are you…?

Another 15 seconds and there was no second noise…

Okay, seriously, am I in India or what? There’s got to be a fight somewhere. I just need to listen carefully. And that’s when I heard the man’s full sentences for the first time in the last 10 minutes or so. I heard, and I quote “If peace is what you are looking for, you have to just look inside, for that is where our Lord Jesus Christ is…”. “ Your money, power, everything else in the world can never give you peace until you believe in your god, the one who lives in your heart, the one who is all mighty, the Lord Jesus Christ…”

WHAT, someone’s preaching inside the metro. How curious? Who’s this man, what does he want?

This was enough to get my attention. I noticed that this man (will call him the preacher going forward, for my own convenience), the preacher, was walking through the crowd and talking about how this life is meaningless if we do not follow the path of god, and we do not help our fellow brothers and sisters like lord Jesus Christ did in his time.

Now I am not a particularly religious person. I mean I do believe in god and some all powerful force, but now the way my parents would like it. So it was the other thing about the Preacher that got me curious. Inside the train, even while he was speaking at the top of his voice, no one was really listening to him… They were busy doing what they do best, talking, complaining, cribbing, and most of them doing absolutely nothing at all. Normally, someone who was addressing a crowd, this would have been an unnerving scenario. You are talking but no one’s listening. How bad it would feel? But for the Preacher, not even a hint of care or concern for the fact that no one was listening. He continued speaking, at the top of his voice for the next 30 minutes before it was my turn to get out of the train. He too boarded out and walked to the stairs with his head held high, calm and composed and smiling as if he had achieved something.

From what I had observed, he had just been talking to the glass doors and windows of the train while people laughed at him. I am sure 95% of the people in there thought he was some nut job who just could not take it anymore and was almost losing his head or about to lose it.

This got me thinking. How is it that for someone, like this preacher, who could have easily guessed how people were reacting, could just shut down the world and it’s distractions around him, and continue doing what he thought was important to him? I am assuming that he was not getting paid for this preaching in metro. And going by his badge, I am sure he did not need much either.

So what was it that could motivate him to do this work? Wait a second; it’s his belief in his work I guess. He is motivating himself to do what he believes is right and makes a difference. WOW. So this is what they mean by the term SELF-MOTIVATED/DRIVEN…

How simple it seems now! Someone who has a strong belief in his capabilities and knows that putting all his heart into it will make a difference to him, if not the world. And in a second, it was clear, like brightly lit day. It’s all about your belief. It’s all in your head. It’s all there, just waiting for you to tap into it…

I am sure a lot of people reading this would disagree, even say that the example is out of place and out of context… but then, does it really matter what example you chose. It’s more about how you chose to interpret things in life and decide how to do them.

For me, ever since that day, I have a new interest in my writing, I have a new interest in my work at office, and I have a renewed interest in life…